At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
