I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
