I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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