id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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