i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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