I have demons in me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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