I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
