I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The ass gains better be worth it
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