i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
