So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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