yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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