dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
