God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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