I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
