I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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