Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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