Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
