Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
North Korea, Best Korea!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
