apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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