she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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