Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
