theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Send help, water and tortillas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
