My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
