who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
