did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
