Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now

(810): View more from Michigan

But I don't think guys love me

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(914): View more from New York

Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

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(910): View more from North Carolina

that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

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(716): View more from New York

I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.

(713): View more from Texas

can't go wrong with guac.

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