i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
