This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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