Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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