is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
