The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize