my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
