She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
