I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
