i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
