accomplished twins. life is a go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
These tits shall not be calmed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
