awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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