that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
