He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize