dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
