guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
