Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i think my cat just said my name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
