I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
