We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
