i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
