Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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