It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
