i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
