have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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