I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
