I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
