The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
