the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
