Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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