A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
