My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
