i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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