My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
