dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
