she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
