ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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