yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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