Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
