Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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