I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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