There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
