I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
