Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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