if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
