dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
