I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
