deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
