I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
