She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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