before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize