Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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