Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
